Foster Care: Things I Did Not Expect to Hear


When we had our big yes moment and decided to take in this sweet little foster baby for a month I was unprepared for a lot of things. Since we had never really had it in our minds to have a baby in the house I guess that was to be expected. But what I did not expect was some of the things people would say to me in reference to our little temporary bundle of joy. Things that made my brows furrow, things that made me smile, things that made me sad and things that made me do the double eye brow lift. Here are my top unexpected things.

1) Mom- This is just not right. As much as I would love to be his mama forever, I'm not even his foster parent, we are temporary emergency care providers. So why is everyone referring to me as his mom? It's a little hurtful considering how long we've been working towards having a family to fill my head with all these thoughts of keeping him and being his mama. I love him like a son, but I have to tell myself on the daily that he's not my son and will be leaving soon. I wish people would just think it through for a second. I love him so much and it's going to kill me when he leaves, but he is going to leave and allowing people to call me his mama is only going to make it worse.

2) You are such a blessing/The world would be a better place with more people like you in it/It's such an amazing thing you're doing- These ones have kinda freaked me out a little, I guess because it doesn't seem that amazing to me, it was just the right thing to do. We really didn't even give it a second thought. They called and asked for help, we were able to help so we said yes. I feel like I'm getting all the blessings here being able to hold this sweet thing and hear his funny sounds. We were blessed with this opportunity, not the other way around. If you had gotten the call wouldn't you have said yes?

3) You're such a natural/You're so natural with him I thought he was yours- I honestly never expected these ones, not even for a second. I've never been a baby person. If someone asks me to hold their baby I always decline unless it's an emergency. The only baby I ever held for long periods of time was my nephew, which thank goodness I did or I would have been totally unprepared. I never expected to get this baby juggle down so quickly because when I first picked him up I almost fainted. I'm so happy I did, or it looks like I have anyway. But this one shocks me every time and makes me blush a lot. 

And finally...

4) Congratulations-  This one I just don't get at all. We didn't have a baby nor did we adopt this baby and as far as I know we did not win a new car or find a cure for prostate cancer. Why are you congratulating me again? I mean, I love hearing all nice things but why congrats?

It's been such a strange and wonderful ride so far. I'm excited and a little nervous to see what the following weeks will bring.

What are some unexpected things people have said to you?

Cheers to smiling with grace.

4 comments:

  1. people just dont really understand sometimes...well with baby #4 on the way would believe the comments I get lol...Like..."Wow!! Four!??" .... ummmm yes I can count...I know how it works lol OR " What if it is another girl?" .... ummmm ok so what if it is another girl...lol...?

    I used to babysit for a lady who was a foster parent to 5 ... some days were rough on her b/c she loved those kids and they truly loved her and they would cry when they had to go see there real parents.

    sending prayers your way...sounds like your doing a really great job loving that little guy...which is really all he need right now :)

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  2. People always say weird things. I think it's just the need to fill an awkward space and people aren't sure what to say. We get a lot of weird stuff, but like you, the one about "they're so lucky, more people should adopt, you're a saint" all that... I don't even know how to respond!

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  3. i think objective perception is often much different from a personal one. i can understand all the things people are saying, but i totally 100% get your reaction to them! especially number 1. that's tough. you are mothering him right now, but ugh, yes, i totally get the inner turmoil on that and the the pang you must get whenever someone says that. and you are doing an amazing thing. should it be amazing to do such thing? maybe not, but it is. and you are amazing for doing it. xo

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  4. It is an usual situation like you said, it's not your son and you did not adopt him. People are not familiar with that and therefore don't know what to say. I think the important is people's intention. It IS a great thing you are doing and not everyone would have said yes because I guess it can be scary.
    As blessed as you may feel by this little guy, he is also lucky that such a nice, caring couple like you decided to take him in your house when he needed.
    No matter your family situation, there will always be strange comments. Family is a pretty loose, albeit important, concept in my opinion.
    Enjoy the precious moments you have with this baby. :)

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I think you're awesome already.