Foster Care: I'm in Trouble Now


I've been trying super hard to keep my cool. Like dunk me in a bucket of icy water cool. But I've lost it, okay maybe never I never really had my cool at all. Guys and Gals I am so hooked on this little baby bear that I feel like my heart might explode. Seriously though, I can't get enough of him. I want to stare into his eyes lovingly for hours and watch his tiny lips turn into the most beautiful smile in the world. Of course I can't do that because I have to work and because he's so darn cute he constantly gets snatched from me everywhere I go. But I can't blame them, he's out of this world adorable. So I'm in trouble now, I'm in love. 

OK, so truth time I've been in love with him since the moment I met him. But like I said, I was desperately trying to keep my cool about it.

This is exactly why we didn't want to get into the foster care system, because it's so hard on your heart. Sure, you can do great things for the kiddos but it might just constantly rip your heart out of your chest. And I know that is exactly where I'm heading. I can feel my heart beating close to the surface, loud and clear, just open and vulnerable to be ripped out. 

I tell myself constantly that I need to just love him with all I've got for the time we have him. That's all I can do for him and that's the best thing to do for him. When asked about the pain of him leaving soon I brush it off and say it's just the way it is, we're just loving him now and doing our best. But inside it's killing me. Inside I can't believe I said yes to such a heart breaking venture. Inside I'm asking myself how I will possibly survive another heart break this year. 

And here's the kicker.

When his case goes to court they might ask for him to stay with us for a year. 

What on earth am I doing?

After only two weeks the idea of him leaving blends my heart up inside. If we keep him for a year I can't imagine the pain I'll feel when he leaves. 

But that's what we signed up for. We signed up to love him as much as we can for as long as we can. And my heart is just going to have to deal with that. Even if it's been ripped out and blended. 

Have you ever said yes to something wonderful even if you knew it would end in heart ache?

Cheers to loving him with my blended heart.



5 comments:

  1. I know NOTHING about foster care, so take this with a grain of salt....we did have a time in our adoptions that it technically could have been overturned and they would have left our care. The first go around I guarded my heart tremendously, but in that process I missed out on a TON with being a mother. Because in reality, you are this little dude's mother for the time being, and you don't know what the future holds like you said. Your heart may break, but giving him your full self will be giving him so much crazy love that he'll be able to take with him wherever his life leads. My advice... go all in. Then when/if things change, that's the time to grieve. And I'd love to be a friend for you in this process! Email me if you'd like!

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  2. If he is with you for a year ... is this something that could turn into a forever home? Love your heart and courage for doing this...he is one lucky little guy!!

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  3. Oh my gosh, a year? It would be impossible for your heart to let the lottle guy go after a whole year. That has to got to be so rough. You're definitely in my prayers....but no matter what happens.....he insure blessed to have you guys for no matter how long he's with you xo

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  4. I cannot pretend I know the feeling but god forbid I would have to think about giving my daughter up. And she isn't even here yet.
    I don't think there is anything you can do that would make this easy. It will be hard no matter what. Just don't lose track of what you are doing for him. The difference you are making in his life will allow him a great start in life where he is loved and well taken care of. That is precious and this thought is what you will remember forever.

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  5. oh alli, my heart is breaking for you. your love for him is so radiant, i can feel it and see in every photo i have seen. i wish i had some words of wisdom, but really it is just a heartbreaker of a situation. whatever you decide to do know, at least, i totally support you and think you are amazing. xo

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I think you're awesome already.